relationships

I get it.

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Today I am heading outside to work on a project that has nothing to do with “unpacking” any rat.   I have already spent an hour freezing my butt off at the dog park, and as if that wasn’t enough, I am heading back to the woods to work with my camera.

I have to leave it behind. “It” being all the external stuff that isn’t me.

Let-Go

I had a particularity bad day yesterday.

I believed ( for the bazilllionth time) that people could overcome past hurts and heal.   Now, I know that belief only holds true for me.  Why?  Because it is my belief –  mine not theirs – and that makes all the difference in the world.  They do not want to change anything.  And no matter what I do, say, or try, no matter how much I care,  I can not, and will not, see my desires come to fruition.

These people are no longer worth my efforts, energy or thoughts.  I will never have what I want with them.   I should know, because I have spent my entire life trying.  Really trying.

On top of realizing that whole “belief” issue, it has taken me a long time to also understand that I get to choose what that bad day will do to me next.  If I choose to stay in it, (dwell on negativity) I will be hurting myself and every single moment of today.

Today- I am here to say, “I get it.”

It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out, and I am okay.

I am taking control of my thoughts and focusing on my real life and how I want to shape it.  It feels good but it is a constant effort.

I am off walk in the sunshine, feel the crisp breeze, and let each fresh moment fill me with love and gratitude.

Thanks for reading.  Cheers!

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Assholes clutter a good life

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Do you know how many assholes clutter this world?

Here’s the thing, we are supposed to take the high ground and let it go.  Let it be, etc, but you know what?  The assholes aren’t getting the message this way.

I am sure you have read about the “everyone gets a ribbon” syndrome that is plaguing American youth. Well this same idea, of not telling someone they suck, applies to assholes, jerks and rude people.

We ignore them. We take the high ground.  As a result they see no negative repercussions for their rude inconsiderate behavior. They think what they are doing is acceptable, a-okay, so they continue.  Most of these people have no person close enough to them who will say , “Hey knock it off, you’re being an asshole.”…..They live in this bubble of self- absorption, only thinking about their own needs as a primary focus of each and every waking moment.

So here is the question:  Do you call them out, or let them continue?  You know if they continue they will pass it on to their off-spring, thus we are promoting the trait.  Or do you protect your own well-being and peace of mind? In other words, let them live in their pathetic asshole lives and cut them out of your circles, and move on. ( thus living in a bubble of your own creation)

Yep, everyone knows an asshole, has seen an asshole, and encounters them frequently.  From what I see there appears to be a growing number of these characters around.  Are we somewhat to blame for allowing  them to exist?  Has our choice not to get “involved”with their low-life behavior embolden them?  Are we now “Asshole-Enablers?”  (AE groups starting at a church near you)

I see both sides of this coin.  I know I want a peaceful and kind life, but can I have that when I am not doing my part to squelch the jerk?  When I look the other way, am I being selfish by helping only myself and not society as a whole?

It’s like that show on T.V. calledWhat would you do?  Notoriously they have actors acting very badly, and they wait to see if anyone (any civilian in the area), will speak up.  Audiences are joyful, even tearful,  when someone stands up to the asshole and conversely the audience is totally disgusted when the people look the other way.

I believe it takes a village to raise a community, but those days appear to be gone for the most part.

I am positive I don’t have the answer here.  I am working on this one because I think we as a people have to start playing an active role in what we see and what we deem as acceptable in our communities and in our lives.  Sadly I am not yet ready to play in the mud, but some days I get real close.

Please let me know your thoughts on this one, I am very interested in all points of view.

Just like starting over

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Remember when you were young, and the future felt like some distant place that would never really happen.  You felt light, and easy, optimistic and somewhat care free and in love?

Well we have reached the future and even with all our burdens, and all my processing of issues, I feel like everything is new and possible again.

So I am dedicating the following to the love of my life, my handsome husband.

Our life together is so precious together
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let’s take a chance and fly away somewhere alone

It’s been too long since we took the time
No-one’s to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It’s like we both are falling in love again
It’ll be just like starting over, starting over

With our new fixer-upper home, we have a lot of work in front of us, but I see this and everything else, as a brand new start.  It is a wonderful adventure that we will take together every step of the way.  Who ever thought we would be here now?  It’s feakin’ awesome.

I love you Ray. xo

late 1986 - of coarse see the hair!

Take a listen to this…..”No one ca get in the way of what I am feeling…”

Mean people

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For life of me I do not understand mean people.  I know what bitchy is, and I know what angry is and I am fine with both those in limited quantities.  I mean that’s just part of human nature.  Who among us hasn’t had a bad day? But mean is something I will never comprehend.

I am getting a first hand lesson in the power of mean.  But I have also realized that I can take away that power of mean simply by stepping outside my feelings and observing as if I were a third party. Let me tell you what I have seen as that third party.

I have seen the depth of despair and confusion in the eyes of the mean person.  I have witness someone out of control, unable to stop themselves long enough to find the right words.  I have seen the face of hate.  In their state of meanness, which to me is void of all love, they scan their brains quickly taunting me to engage.  But I don’t.  I have learned to step outside of myself, and observe.  It’s a weird position, and quite new to me.  In the past I would definitely shoot back and lose no matter what.  No one ever wins in “mean.”

It’s shocking to me, because now I see it so clearly.  Before now I would engage and not be able to think straight.

I don’t want someone in my life that treats me poorly.  I don’t want someone in my life that holds anger and hostilities towards me.  For whatever reasons, unknown to me, I am the one that receives what ever sh*t they want to throw.   I have even received the silent treatment, which is hysterical to watch from afar, as if I care to talk to someone so mean.

Mean people don’t seem to know about love.  They just don’t.  They don’t know how to show it, give it, receive it or feel it.  They may have read about it but it’s just not in their nature.  Unless they chose to learn about it and change their core beliefs, they will continue to live on with the weight of bitterness, hate and anger baring down on their souls. I don’t even think they know they are missing out on anything.

You see it’s not about making points, or winning an argument, it’s all about what you want in your life.  A cold loveless existence just isn’t for me.  As I declutter I am purging my thoughts that someone else will ever change.

Instead I have changed.  I have changed by not taking in the hostility anymore. I find this approach both powerful and liberating.  Any sadness I held for what could have been is gone.   I have throw away all my “could-have-been(s).”

Cheers!

Here is a more in depth look at “How to Combat Emotional Warfare and Root Out the Manipulative, Abusive People in Your Life” (this article showed up in my email just now-weird)

Tip: Learn to protect yourself;  just walk away if someone is treating you unkindly.

Inspiration: “Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.”- Mohandas K. Gandhi

One-day one -thing: Stop thinking about what could-have-been.

People Clutter

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your choice

I know when we start our days we have high hopes for a “good” day.  Sometimes we make mistakes, even though we know better.  Those mistakes can end up ruining some amount of time in our day.  Maybe it’s because we are tired, or we forget, or we aren’t prepared.  This brings me to the question for today: why interact with crappy people?  Hint: No good can come from it.  None.

As part of our life-style change, a move to minimalism, we have made the conscientious choice to eliminate the crappy, negative, mean and rude people who are (and were) in our lives.  They are like clutter but far more dangerous because they  sap your positive energy, and send you down a negative and unproductive path that can only lead you to more stress and unhappiness.  Not good and no longer permitted.

We’ve done a really good job at this thus far, but every once in a while an identified crappy person tries to suck you in -or- a random crappy stranger decides to blindside you.  It happens to the best of us.

Here’s the answer the only answer, it come from a friend’s blog post.

James Altucher : How to Deal with Crappy People.  Read his post (I promise it is worth the read)  and re-read this when ever you need a refresher course.

Tips: If someone is nasty to you, remember it’s about them and their anger inside. It’s not about you.

Inspiration:  ” No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” – Mahatma Gandhi

One-day one thing: Buying poster board, pricing and making signs for a yard sale.