Old habits die hard.
Old belief are nearly impossible to kill.
I am moving to a different journey. And it isn’t because I have succeeded at this journey, it’s because of what I have learned over the course of trying to de-clutter. You see it’s not the clutter that is causes the problem, it is my mind. NO matter what problem you see in your life, if you can identify it and recognize it, then you already have everything needed to fix it.
I have spent the last two years doing everything in my power, ( at least I thought I was) to change my life.
Only the other day I looked around and saw a “repeat” of everything I wanted to change and all that I wanted to leave behind. My new small house, within a a 9 month period, has acquired all characteristics that I didn’t like about our old house. Why is that?
This is why; and I want you to pay close attention –It’s my mind. It’s my thoughts. It is my beliefs. I fall into the same old patterns. I
am was on a replay loop. So of course everything would be the same, there was no chance of it ever changing. No chance whatsoever.
My symptoms: procrastination, lack of focus, unwillingness to let go, believing that another day it will be different, and making excuses.
I will tell you I have succeeded in some areas. I have conquered any weight issues I used to have, and I am closer than ever to resolving the issues with my family of origin. So now is the time I need to work on me.
My recent readings have helped me to clearly see this and so I have an understanding of what I need to do. These are the book so far that have made a significant impact:
I am giving you these books as insight into my current journey. I now know I have to seriously change my auto- pilot repetitive thought patterns in order to be happy and free. And if you find yourself in the same boat, you might want to pick one of these books up and read. I found them inspiring and helpful.
I have to concentrate on me. All else will follow.
As always Cheers!
Today I am heading outside to work on a project that has nothing to do with “unpacking” any rat. I have already spent an hour freezing my butt off at the dog park, and as if that wasn’t enough, I am heading back to the woods to work with my camera.
I have to leave it behind. “It” being all the external stuff that isn’t me.
I had a particularity bad day yesterday.
I believed ( for the bazilllionth time) that people could overcome past hurts and heal. Now, I know that belief only holds true for me. Why? Because it is my belief – mine not theirs – and that makes all the difference in the world. They do not want to change anything. And no matter what I do, say, or try, no matter how much I care, I can not, and will not, see my desires come to fruition.
These people are no longer worth my efforts, energy or thoughts. I will never have what I want with them. I should know, because I have spent my entire life trying. Really trying.
On top of realizing that whole “belief” issue, it has taken me a long time to also understand that I get to choose what that bad day will do to me next. If I choose to stay in it, (dwell on negativity) I will be hurting myself and every single moment of today.
Today- I am here to say, “I get it.”
It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out, and I am okay.
I am taking control of my thoughts and focusing on my real life and how I want to shape it. It feels good but it is a constant effort.
I am off walk in the sunshine, feel the crisp breeze, and let each fresh moment fill me with love and gratitude.
Thanks for reading. Cheers!
This beautiful sunflower shows all the hope and promise of life. I am here, I am happy, I am spectacular. Bring it on. I am ready.
What a glorious sight. Nature at its finest, from a simple little seed this masterpiece sprouted .
That was yesterday. Yesterday is gone.
Today life has already sent a blow to the sunflower. I am guessing a squirrel had a hand in this. It wasn’t anything personal, it just happened.
As time goes on, more and more will happen to this sunflower, most of which will be none of its own doing. That is just the way it goes.
So the sunflower’s couple days brought me to my message or point. Enjoy life even though it’s ever changing, even if at times it seems unfair.
How many time have you heard the phrase,” enjoy the moment” ? Sounds so cliche but it’s not. Have you managed to put this phrase to practice?
It’s not easy, but it is doable. I try everyday. Everyday every moment is a challenge, or should I say an “opportunity” to remember to live, to enjoy, to breath, to love and to be grateful and kind. You can just pick one of those thoughts and you’re well on your way.
It takes a conscientious effort and a consistent effort to live in the moment. Practice make perfect. Take right now for instance, be happy you are reading. Just enjoy the photos if nothing more. Acknowledge your moment and smile. Then repeat every moment the rest of your life.
One person I know uses the phrase “don’t time travel” meaning don’t worry, fret or ponder the future or the past, only right now truly exists….live now – find joy now, be kind now, be grateful now, choose a positive thought over a negative thought.
I may be writing this for myself as a concrete lesson I can visualize…..but it doesn’t matter.
I hope you enjoy many moments.
This is basically how I feel and what I believe in a nut shell.
Please watch and actually take a moment to see how materialism has shaped your life. I was forced to look at my ways, and I am better for it. At least, I feel better and I am happier.
I am free from the grip of corporations, and I strive to become even more free each and every day.
I know I have been missing from this blog, I have been working super hard on our renovation Project 1923. I have been without a kitchen and a real bed for quite some time now, and I think it has help to change my perspective. Simpler is better and easier for me. Oh, and we no longer watch TV……that’s huge.
If you want to get the trash out of your head, turning the TV off is essential. Try it for a week…. I dare you. For serious down time, too tired to move or think down time, I have Netflix. Not the greatest selection, but the documentaries seem to suit me well at the moment.
Bit by bit, I am applying what I preach to my own life. I have tamed the old wild-ass-consumer I used to be. Curbed the hoarder I became as a result my shopping and now I think more clearly. Literally I pause before each buying decision. This solidifies my desire to use less, have less, and want less. Not buying is incredibly empowering. It truly is.
Just recently I’ve caught myself walking away from negative conversations. That’s right, just walking away…..I don’t care if someone thinks I am a weirdo. Who cares what anyone thinks anyway? ( you never know what is in their mind, so quit thinking about it. It’s trash thinking, a waste of your own time and mind power.) Be yourself, be kind, and do your best. It is that simple.
As far as politics go, I have to turn it WAY off. I am very opiniated about my political beliefs, however, I am never going to change a right-winged mentality. I have learned that lesson and want no part of it. It’s all trash- doesn’t accomplish a thing. I am liberal at heart, and I have no problems with that. ( good thing I have a handful of political friends on line – or on-demand if you will – it’s nice to touch base without all the drama. )
Life is still hectic.
Our move has proven to be a great decision. We love our new town and our neighborhood. It’s diverse, interesting and people are super friendly. The house was a bargain, and the work we are doing to it is rewarding. I have learned many skills and am stretching my imagination. The satisfaction from a completed project is HUGE.
We are appreciating the good and actually ” living with less” is much more awesome than I ever thought possible.
I heard a friend say one day, ” My goal is to live well below my means.” That stuck with me and I have chosen it as one of my many goals. It’s fun.
Mini Update: I have weeded out my pottery, and actually am parting with some of my children’s art work. The storage unit is less crowded, we hope to move to a smaller unit by September first. Currently my focus is on our renovation, 29 days of giving, real work and family. Soon I will be paining ( art) again, it’s nice to even feel like painting again.
Whatever you want to change, you can – even if it takes forever – you have the power. Until next time. Cheers!
Remember when you were young, and the future felt like some distant place that would never really happen. You felt light, and easy, optimistic and somewhat care free and in love?
Well we have reached the future and even with all our burdens, and all my processing of issues, I feel like everything is new and possible again.
So I am dedicating the following to the love of my life, my handsome husband.
Our life together is so precious together
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let’s take a chance and fly away somewhere alone
It’s been too long since we took the time
No-one’s to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It’s like we both are falling in love again
It’ll be just like starting over, starting over
With our new fixer-upper home, we have a lot of work in front of us, but I see this and everything else, as a brand new start. It is a wonderful adventure that we will take together every step of the way. Who ever thought we would be here now? It’s feakin’ awesome.
I love you Ray. xo
Take a listen to this…..”No one ca get in the way of what I am feeling…”
Geez. I don’t lie. I try not to lie. I can’t remember anything , so I am no good at lying and I don’t feel good if I lie. So I really don’t lie.
I can keep a secret. I am the best secret keeper I know. I never betray a trust. But I want you to know, I don’t hold on to secrets. Meaning, I hold them and throw them away, maybe file them away is a better term. Secrets belong to those who share their life with me. Those secrets belong to the person who told the secret. If someone trusts me, I feel it is my most important responsibility to protect that trust.
I have always believed this. It’s nothing that I can change or that I want to change. It part of me like my face. It is just there.
So when I get lied to or when someone betrays my trust, I am deeply offended. I lose total respect for the person that lied to me. That’s it. I cut them out, or at least I cut them off. I mentally attempt to erase them. Not so easy when the person is a relative.
The inspiration quote I posted yesterday is very interesting to me.
“Lying is done with words and also with silence.”- Adrienne Rich
Take some time to think about this. It may prove helpful. If you are having an important conversation, and someone isn’t actively participating, it may be a clue to their deceit. Keep alert, pay attention to body language and tone. Changing the subject is another red flag.
I have learned that if someone lies once they will lie again. I have learned that liars think it is okay to lie. They easily understand when someone lies, and they go about their day as if nothing happened. Liars hang with other liars. “Birds of a feather” still holds true.
Obviously, I have a low tolerance for liars but I know so many of them. This often puts me in a position of being the oddball. The one who “expects too much out of other people.” I get criticized for expecting people to not lie in general. Who knew standing up for the truth would be met with criticism.
I believe everyone has the right and the responsibility to protect themselves. So don’t put up with any liars they will only hurt you over and over again.
never rarely change. But the truth eventually comes to light. And for that we should be grateful.
Tip: If you call a liar out they will become angry, it’s better to recognize them for what they are and ignore them.
Inspiration: “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”- Abraham Lincoln
One-day one-thing: Acknowledge who has your back, nurture that relationship.