For life of me I do not understand mean people. I know what bitchy is, and I know what angry is and I am fine with both those in limited quantities. I mean that’s just part of human nature. Who among us hasn’t had a bad day? But mean is something I will never comprehend.
I am getting a first hand lesson in the power of mean. But I have also realized that I can take away that power of mean simply by stepping outside my feelings and observing as if I were a third party. Let me tell you what I have seen as that third party.
I have seen the depth of despair and confusion in the eyes of the mean person. I have witness someone out of control, unable to stop themselves long enough to find the right words. I have seen the face of hate. In their state of meanness, which to me is void of all love, they scan their brains quickly taunting me to engage. But I don’t. I have learned to step outside of myself, and observe. It’s a weird position, and quite new to me. In the past I would definitely shoot back and lose no matter what. No one ever wins in “mean.”
It’s shocking to me, because now I see it so clearly. Before now I would engage and not be able to think straight.
I don’t want someone in my life that treats me poorly. I don’t want someone in my life that holds anger and hostilities towards me. For whatever reasons, unknown to me, I am the one that receives what ever sh*t they want to throw. I have even received the silent treatment, which is hysterical to watch from afar, as if I care to talk to someone so mean.
Mean people don’t seem to know about love. They just don’t. They don’t know how to show it, give it, receive it or feel it. They may have read about it but it’s just not in their nature. Unless they chose to learn about it and change their core beliefs, they will continue to live on with the weight of bitterness, hate and anger baring down on their souls. I don’t even think they know they are missing out on anything.
You see it’s not about making points, or winning an argument, it’s all about what you want in your life. A cold loveless existence just isn’t for me. As I declutter I am purging my thoughts that someone else will ever change.
Instead I have changed. I have changed by not taking in the hostility anymore. I find this approach both powerful and liberating. Any sadness I held for what could have been is gone. I have throw away all my “could-have-been(s).”
Here is a more in depth look at “How to Combat Emotional Warfare and Root Out the Manipulative, Abusive People in Your Life” (this article showed up in my email just now-weird)
Tip: Learn to protect yourself; just walk away if someone is treating you unkindly.
Inspiration: “Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.”- Mohandas K. Gandhi
One-day one -thing: Stop thinking about what could-have-been.
I have an issue with getting too close. I could explain it away based on many things, now that I recognize much of the baggage I carry. But that doesn’t change it, and I question if it even need to be changed? Or am I like this because I want it this way?
Yesterday I had this imaginary turn of events play out in my head that lead a friendship from casual and strong to really really close friends. And that’s when I noticed this “pull-back” inside of me, I could physically feel it. It was like – Oh, I don’t want to do “that.”
Mind you, in the past few years I have lost five different friends each by one of the following ways; two by way of death, one good old fashion betrayal, one from a realization, and one because of relocation. Also during this same time my three children left the nest for college. (Irish triplets; I knew this day would come, didn’t make it any easier) Feelings of loss are never easy.
In the beginning, Unpack The Rat was focused solely on material stuff, clutter and junk, but when some of that stuff made me cry I knew there was much more stuff stuffed inside me. I
realize that now, right now, is the time to fix everything the best I can. It’s been brutal a continuing challenge.
Another thing I have learned during my journey is, it will go on as long as I am breathing. Meaning no matter what happens, I will have to work at conquering my demons every day, or they will take me over. My demon, disguised as clutter, boxes and disarray, is actually negativity and all that encompasses.
Much like an addiction, I have to fight negativity every day or it will overpower my mind, body and soul.
So right now, I am going to come up with five unproven tips to counter my negativity. Maybe they will help you, me or someone we know.
Five Instant Tips:
1. Stop swearing unless it’s used in positive comment. Example: ” That’s so f*cking incredible. I am so excited for you!” Swearing when you are upset or angry only serves to fuel and intensify any negative emotion.
2. Do not allow yourself to get hungry. We are grown people, we know we have to fuel our bodies and minds. Pack a lunch box to take wherever you go, make a first aid kit for the hungries. Suggestions for your kit: carrots, fruit, cheese, nuts, crackers and water. Dig in before you end up in a sour mood or even worse find yourself driving through Wendy’s or the likes.
3. Remember those who are thirsty. The time you waste being negative could be time spent promoting Charity Water . I am signing Unpack The Rat up today. ( if I can do it this way) Of course what this really means is help anyone (a person, animal or plant) who needs help rather than filling your own cup with negativity.
4. Daydream about a ridiculous or fabulous adventure. If you want, go ahead and close your eyes for a few seconds and slip away. Envision it all as if you were really there.
5. Be grateful for having the ability to love.
That’s what I came up with. Now I am going to Charity Water and see if I can sign up.
As for getting too close, I am not going to worry about it for now. Not everything needs an answer the moment you think of it. Sometimes you just need to “be.”
I be being.
Okay, it worked…..Here’s the link to donate to Unpack the Rat’s Charity Water campaign.
Are there reasons for everything?
I think there must be, because that is the only thing that makes sense out of a senseless situation. I am not going to whine about what happened today, but I will quote words that were spoken to me in the most hateful tone.
“I don’t need you.”
What do I learn from this, well the first thing I learned is that I better ask if that is really what she said to make sure I didn’t misinterpret anything. “Did you just say ‘you don’t need me’ ?” Well that is what she said. She hasn’t said a word to me since, and I have no plans in speaking to anyone who said such a hateful thing to their own child.
What I have learned from this is the following:
1. Not everyone has the same understanding of love and family.
2. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother.
3. Some people are actually sociopaths, they really do exist, and it’s possible to be related to one.
The mere thought of telling any of my children that, “I don’t need them” would never ever even enter my mind. It is a completely foreign thought to me.
I would literally stand in front of a bullet for my children. I would, and have, done everything in my limited power to protect them, support them, and to help them and love them. I would die for them. I would die without them. I need them like I need oxygen. They are most amazing blessings and loves in my life.
Needless to say I am blown away- blown away.
I realize now how uniquely special true love is. I am fortunate to have a loving husband and three wonderful children. I recognize just how solid, even with our many faults, my family is. Even through rough, super rough times, we are still a “loving” family and I believe we will be for many years to come.
It makes me sad to think that some people live in such a loveless manner. But it’s no longer something I will seek to change or even try to understand. I don’t have the time for such nonsense.
I have a life to live.
Tip: If you give up on yourself once in awhile, that’s okay, it’s only temporary. You decide when to stop giving up on yourself. Work through your issues and you’ll find out everything is going to be okay.
Inspiration: ” Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth.” – Mohandas K. Gandhi
One-day one-thing: Let it go – for real this time -breathe in freedom.
I am taking a break because I just can’t think straight right now.
It’s no big deal, this house hunting has been a miserable experience, I don’t know how many we have lost. Oh and the one we were going to close on we found out is loaded with asbestos, disturbed asbestos. So we rescinded that offer and lost that house last week.
I knew it was hard losing our home, but I thought I did okay with that. Getting rid of a bunch of stuff hasn’t been that bad. I don’t miss any of it. (mind you I have a lot left to go) I knew having all my children disappear to college at virtually the same time, and then letting me know they are never moving back to Ohio would be hard, but I manage it. ( I want them to live in many places – that’s how I like to live) I am proud of them and support them. I miss them to pieces, but that’s to be expected.
The economy sent our business for a loop, but we are getting through that, not fun, but so what.
The killer issue: living in my mothers house has proven to be more than I can take. Funny, how when you live away from someone you tend to forget their faults. You make excuses for them, you don’t see them for long periods of time. I have faults too, but seriously, the sh*t I hear daily is so disturbing.
I used to bend over backwards in kindness, generosity and consideration, trying to win a measure of love, respect and kindness that just isn’t available in my family of origin. Unfortunately, the way they think is deeply rooted in me, and their beliefs about love lives in my core like a damaged chromosome. I do not want become her/them, but it could be too late. When I see things I have done, behavior just like them, I know it’s alive in me too. I get disgusted and sometime I don’t recognize my behavior until it is way too late.
I fear for the damage I may have done to my own children. I will forever feel guilty for all my mistakes.
For the bulk of my life, I created a different reality-one other than the cold truth, but the truth never hides. Now I have to somehow fix myself. There have been days I have contemplated should I become a drunk or a drug addict. I swear, I never saw this coming, not this late in the game. I really got f*cked up in my upbringing.
A while back, I remember telling someone else, that their mother loved them no matter how it seemed. That may be true, but there are different levels, different definitions and various understandings of what love means for each person. And when those ideals don’t line up or aren’t even close to lining up, it doesn’t work.
I know people really don’t like to hear negative whining. Repeated posts complaining of the same old situation even bores me. Hand me the happy feel good, cheerful smile, inspiration and success stories, please. So I’ll leave you with a beautiful photograph (above), and promise you I will get through this.
Wish me luck, I am very
sad broken damaged and I know this will be hard. I am bitter and I regret the years I wasted. And I am unimpressed with my ability to deal with what I know.
Over and over again, I convinced myself to believe it was different, because that’s what I wanted to be true.
Realizing this is difficult. I would say, I must have thought I was super woman or something in the past because it never crossed my mind that some things are un-fixable.
At one point in my life, I was looking at that broken egg on the ground. I said, “That’s my last food, you broke my last food.”
That was so many years ago, it wasn’t my last food ever, but it was never fixed. Because food in general was replaced, the brokenness of my last egg meant very little to me. However, I never forgot the feeling of having nothing, and no way to fix it..
When you realize that somethings cant be fixed, it’s intensely realistic. But being a mother as I have for 22 plus years now, you spend you entire life fixing things and making bad things better. Then comes the day you can’t. You can’t fix it. You can’t make it better.
On that day little pieces of you die.
Today’s post is a “share.”
I don’t know many of you well, but I do know human nature. And I think I can say with utter certainty that life is going to knock you down at least once in your life. Way down. And when it does, this blog post by James Altucher is here to help you.
You have to read the entire post (that’s an order) , which is worth every second of your attention to get to ” T ” which is pure genius:
” T) Most important: When you have money, love, contentment, this is not when you have succeeded. These are the results. The trumpets are not blowing now. You’re sleeping and you don’t care. MOST IMPORTANT: the trumpets are blowing when you are at your lows and you take that next step forward. That is success. That is love of life. That is creativity and spirit and God.
When you are at the lowest, you are closest to God, to your faith, to a higher power, to an inner you. To whatever you want to call it. Nobody cares what you call it. This is your moment to shine, to show how much you’ve learned, to show how much you are able to succeed. There are no other moments as powerful. Please don’t waste them.“
Please bookmark and share 20 ways to restore faith when everything goes wrong. You never know who might really need this help on any given day.
I am so amazingly happy that it is a regular Friday. No holiday anything. Just a normal day, and the best day of the work week.
But I have lost some very important papers. So that’s about all I can think about at the moment. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
Living in my mother’s house without even a dresser to use for ourselves has served to teach me well. I am living in disarray, in uncertainty, and in limbo. I am a bit mental at the moment as well. And I don’t even care, if I tell you this or not. I am meeting the challenge of this living arrangement , but there has been collateral damage. Well-being damage. That’s okay. (it’s not forever….I keep telling myself)
Currently I am considering writing a book of how NOT to be when you get old. I am getting old, but man when you are really old it’s an entirely different story. Very scary. Maybe if I take notes of “do’s and don’ts” now I’ll be able to save myself and those around me later.
What’s the REAL kicker for this Friday? A house, of coarse, what else?
Yep, once again, we are putting a bid in on a house. I’ll keep you posted, because I cant help myself. If we get this house, I am planning on posting before and after pics as we pour ourselves into making it livable. (Good thing, I like that kind of work )
So go ahead stay on task, sort something, donate at least one thing, and toss five items into the trash.
Meanwhile, I’ll be in a demented mode searching for lost papers and waiting and looking more and waiting….
Enjoy your Friday- Cheers!
Tip: Organize your important papers….lol…once and for all.
Inspiration: “Seek patience and passion in equal amounts. Patience alone will not build the temple. Passion alone will destroy its walls.” – Maya Angelou
One-day one-thing: Find that accordion file and start the new year right.