spirit

year end rambling….

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I’ve been pondering, yes more than usual, and I think that I am going to throw some of my thoughts out there.  No order, no goal.

I’m sick and tired of the economy.  And seeing as I am part of it, I’m going on strike.  For the year 2017 I will only buy necessities like food and toilet paper. And of course home repairs, car repairs, and vet bills…..but you get the idea.  F-them.

About social media, yeah it sucks.  It time sucks and it can be a wasteful distraction from better things.  I mean seriously, you’d feel one hundred times better if you took a nap rather than spend an hour on Facebook. Cutting back, but not cutting out.

And regarding Donald, I dont want to hear what he tweeted.  Until a story is actually news worthy, I’m tuning the Donald out.  Can I tell you something? When I hear his name my stomach literally turns.  He, and the mention of him, makes me physically sick.

I will support issue that are dear to my heart.  Mother Theresa once said,

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

I never understood it until this year.  It’s that mentality that I have to carry to get through this f-up world.  War and social issues are complicated and there is just way too much negativity.  My body can’t take any additional turmoil.  So I hope this year, to support some of the most simplest causes protecting human rights, animal rights and our environment.

You do know I am extremely liberal.  And by the way, I am proud of that.

I made a list to live by, for my daily grind….it’s a bit over reaching.   I can’t find it now. Shit.  I forget everything.  It was things to do everyday.  Making life habits.  Now I have to think it all up again.

  1. read
  2. give something
  3. do art
  4. play with dogs
  5. write something
  6. I cant remember… probably yoga….I’ve been meaning to take that up for years.

Anyway you get the idea.  I just can’t waste another year filling my head with all the crap in the world that I can not control.

Those are my thoughts for now. Just ramblings …. I hope to be writing better stuff real soon…..Carry on and cheers!

didn’t make it pass day 3

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So I didn’t make it pass day three of “May Cause Miracles.”  That’s right, it was so easy, I said.  A snap.  “I can do this!”

But life has a way of interrupting even the best of intentions.  I mean if all I had to do was to take care of myself, just me, no one else or no other creature, or no other anything, just maybe I could make it past day 3.  I don’t know.

I told myself I would catch up, or start over, I have not done either yet.  My plate of life is so full right now with……business issues, legal issues, my Mother is ill, my children aren’t settled, a house in disrepair, oh  and let’s not forget  the tax issues they just found from 2004!

There is even more than that, but that’s about all I care to put into writing.

I think I have done it all wrong.  I must have.  Everything. Wrong.  Since the beginning of my life I must have listened to the wrong people and taken in the wrong messages.  I don’t know how else I could have arrived at this place at this time.  Because how? Tell me how ?  One person can really want a better existence yet can’t ever figure out how to get it?

For the most part I have tried to do the right thing.  Even as a small child I knew not to belittle or mock others, I stood up for the underdog ALWAYS.  I would think, what would be best? What would be nice? What would be helpful?

Yet here I am, a struggling mess.

I can be sarcastic but only in fun.  You know a dry sense of humor….that alone shouldn’t have banished me to this place.

I eat healthy.  Food and weight isn’t my issue.   I do not long for material items.  I dont want or need the latest greatest anything.  I just want a simple peaceful life.

Maybe someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are sticking it with pins.  That’s about all I can figure, or I was a horrible person in another lifetime.   Oy Vey!  

Cheer!

It (?)

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The other night I was sound asleep in a very deep sleep.  A strong noise, maybe a thud or a bang, woke me to a stir.  Wasn’t quite sure if I heard something or if I was dreaming, but now I was awake either way.  And to be honest I was a bit annoyed because I was enjoying the  solid rest.

Next thing I see is my phone lighting up.  It was on mute without a vibrate, by the time I got to it I missed a call.  This late at night?  Who? What?

My Mother had called.  She left a message which I listened to and she said it was no big deal, it was 11:30 and she couldn’t sleep.  I looked at the time of the message and it wasn’t 11:30PM at all,  it was about 2:30 in the morning.

I returned her call immediately, and before I could even think I was dressed and driving on the freeway.  I was going to pick her up to take her to ER, just to be on the safe side.   We found out she was suffering from congestive heart failure.  We had no idea.

Today we are a few days out, and she is back home on several new medications.

But what was it? A noise or a different kind of something?  What awoke me in time not miss her call?  I don’t know.  I may never know, but whatever it was it saved my Mother’s life.

So I thank you “it.”

Cheers!

Day 3

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“I want to live in the woods”

Well, I am trying to get through this stuff  and it seems quite easy.  But is it helping?  I am not sure.

Forty days, it says, in forty days a new perspective.

The concept is to follow this book, “May Cause Miracles” one day at a time and do the daily exercise.  So far it isn’t very time consuming and that is certainly a huge relief.  Maybe I will stick with it.  I know any lasting change will take time, consistency and effort.   Actually, I see this is a life-style change, so I know I will have to work at it every day of my life.  In time that commitment should become a blessing.  

At least that is how I see it.

Right now I am on day 3.  Yes, day three.  Today’s affirmation is “Love did not cause this.”  Of course it didn’t.  Love is pure.  Fear can not exist where love exists.

I really can’t let myself down.

Note: These posts will be rambling with no purpose.  I want to write how I feel through the course of this book so I can reflect on it later. So please don’t expect anything more than that, or you will be disappointed.  Cheers friends!

against the odds- 40 day attempt

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Have you ever felt like you were ready to change, to start something to better you life but you felt restricted by people around you?  It’s like trying to change life long patterns that no longer fit your dreams, and people around you take every chance to mock or dismiss your ideas.

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I have felt that way for several years now.  And I believe I allowed those outside influences to make my attempts at changing terribly difficult.

Face it, we all know there are productive methods for example, get yourself out of a rut. But when you talk about it, there seems someone is always more than ready to tell you how it won’t work, or you’ll never stick with it.  Then they might go as far to point out several of your past failed attempts to change.  That is the sort of thing that crushes me.

Even changing my eating habit is still to this day met with sideways glances and grimacing faces.   Usually from people who are closest to me.  “You eat that?! Gross.”   They may even mock where I read about it and challenge it’s validity.  In any case, the negative responses really effect me.  I wish they didn’t do this , but they do.

Some say you have to ignore them, easier said then done.   Others say you have to remove them from your life, and surround your self with more like-minded people.  Again easier said then done.

So today, I have to ignore them.  And tomorrow I have to ignore them, and for the rest of my life I have to ignore them.  I have to look past what they say, and stay on my path.  This is going to be hard, because my auto-pilot reactions is to self doubt.  My thoughts race to:  ” They are right, I do fail all the time. I will never be able to change.”  And the words I hear, plus the word I then tell myself  reinforce constant failures as my truth.

I am going to try.  Again.  I know that this will all be on me.  If I fail one day, I will have to get back up.  It all sounds so cliche, but I have no other options.  I have to gather every once of encouragement no matter if I find it.

Right now this is my guide:  A book:   May Cause Miracles  by Gabrielle Bernstein

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I’ll blog about  my 40 day journey.  Cheers.

Frightening

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You know what is really really frightening?

It really is scary to “not care.”  Like to just not give a rats ass about stuff.  All kinds of stuff -anything you can think of -stuff.

It’s not the same as surrendering, is it?  I don’t think so.  I don’t know.

All I know is I can not control anything, and it doesn’t matter what happens because there is nothing I can do about it.

I remember being preoccupied about so many things and trying to make everything just right.  I would stress, worry, panic, and in turn guess what happened in the end?  Nothing ever turned out “just right.”  Absolutely nothing.   

Worst nightmares became reality.   

It’s not like you or I can change the past no matter how hard we try.   And forget the future, that is way out of the human being’s capability.

There is only one thing we actually control; our minds.

We do choose our thoughts.  We can control whether we care about this, or that, or the other thing.  That is it.  Pretty simple.

I still don’t care much, but I know it’ is by my own choice.

I am ready, so ready,  to think nothing.  No thoughts.  This mind of mine needs a serious rest.

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Cheers!

Clutter wasn’t holding me back.

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734899_578938438786532_824380995_nMy previous attempt to fix my problem of too much stuff, was nothing more than me trying to resolve the symptoms and not the cause.

The cause is all the clutter in my mind, body and soul.   MsRat appears to be full of crap.  I will provide my tools and my methods for my new life.  I have been needed this my whole life and only recently have I decided that it’s time now!

It’s a new day, the best day.  Cheers.