didn’t make it pass day 3

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So I didn’t make it pass day three of “May Cause Miracles.”  That’s right, it was so easy, I said.  A snap.  “I can do this!”

But life has a way of interrupting even the best of intentions.  I mean if all I had to do was to take care of myself, just me, no one else or no other creature, or no other anything, just maybe I could make it past day 3.  I don’t know.

I told myself I would catch up, or start over, I have not done either yet.  My plate of life is so full right now with……business issues, legal issues, my Mother is ill, my children aren’t settled, a house in disrepair, oh  and let’s not forget  the tax issues they just found from 2004!

There is even more than that, but that’s about all I care to put into writing.

I think I have done it all wrong.  I must have.  Everything. Wrong.  Since the beginning of my life I must have listened to the wrong people and taken in the wrong messages.  I don’t know how else I could have arrived at this place at this time.  Because how? Tell me how ?  One person can really want a better existence yet can’t ever figure out how to get it?

For the most part I have tried to do the right thing.  Even as a small child I knew not to belittle or mock others, I stood up for the underdog ALWAYS.  I would think, what would be best? What would be nice? What would be helpful?

Yet here I am, a struggling mess.

I can be sarcastic but only in fun.  You know a dry sense of humor….that alone shouldn’t have banished me to this place.

I eat healthy.  Food and weight isn’t my issue.   I do not long for material items.  I dont want or need the latest greatest anything.  I just want a simple peaceful life.

Maybe someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are sticking it with pins.  That’s about all I can figure, or I was a horrible person in another lifetime.   Oy Vey!  



It (?)

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The other night I was sound asleep in a very deep sleep.  A strong noise, maybe a thud or a bang, woke me to a stir.  Wasn’t quite sure if I heard something or if I was dreaming, but now I was awake either way.  And to be honest I was a bit annoyed because I was enjoying the  solid rest.

Next thing I see is my phone lighting up.  It was on mute without a vibrate, by the time I got to it I missed a call.  This late at night?  Who? What?

My Mother had called.  She left a message which I listened to and she said it was no big deal, it was 11:30 and she couldn’t sleep.  I looked at the time of the message and it wasn’t 11:30PM at all,  it was about 2:30 in the morning.

I returned her call immediately, and before I could even think I was dressed and driving on the freeway.  I was going to pick her up to take her to ER, just to be on the safe side.   We found out she was suffering from congestive heart failure.  We had no idea.

Today we are a few days out, and she is back home on several new medications.

But what was it? A noise or a different kind of something?  What awoke me in time not miss her call?  I don’t know.  I may never know, but whatever it was it saved my Mother’s life.

So I thank you “it.”