The cause is all the clutter in my mind, body and soul. MsRat appears to be full of crap. I will provide my tools and my methods for my new life. I have been needed this my whole life and only recently have I decided that it’s time now!
It’s a new day, the best day. Cheers.
Today I am heading outside to work on a project that has nothing to do with “unpacking” any rat. I have already spent an hour freezing my butt off at the dog park, and as if that wasn’t enough, I am heading back to the woods to work with my camera.
I have to leave it behind. “It” being all the external stuff that isn’t me.
I had a particularity bad day yesterday.
I believed ( for the bazilllionth time) that people could overcome past hurts and heal. Now, I know that belief only holds true for me. Why? Because it is my belief – mine not theirs – and that makes all the difference in the world. They do not want to change anything. And no matter what I do, say, or try, no matter how much I care, I can not, and will not, see my desires come to fruition.
These people are no longer worth my efforts, energy or thoughts. I will never have what I want with them. I should know, because I have spent my entire life trying. Really trying.
On top of realizing that whole “belief” issue, it has taken me a long time to also understand that I get to choose what that bad day will do to me next. If I choose to stay in it, (dwell on negativity) I will be hurting myself and every single moment of today.
Today- I am here to say, “I get it.”
It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out, and I am okay.
I am taking control of my thoughts and focusing on my real life and how I want to shape it. It feels good but it is a constant effort.
I am off walk in the sunshine, feel the crisp breeze, and let each fresh moment fill me with love and gratitude.
Thanks for reading. Cheers!
So I am still on my treacherous journey to living better with less, however I’ve had a few roadblocks thrown my way. For instance; perpetual moving. We moved last year, and we moved again this year, plus for some added fun we moved our office last month.
When you have to move with deadlines, you tend to throw things where ever they will fit, and this only leads to more chaos.
Welcome to my chaos land. I have piles of crap, a storage unit that is totally filled again due to overflow from the business move, and a basement that needs to be transformed into livable space by Thanksgiving.
I hate it. I have been working on this for over a year. Sometimes it feels as if I am getting nowhere fast.
My focus yesterday was make-up. I didn’t take any photos (took the one above just now), because I just forgot. I forgot that, “hey maybe I’ll blog about this and get back on track.” Nope, my only thought was, “What the f*ck is all this stuff?” Tons of anti-aging shit. Really expensive brands that I never even used. I have wrinkles, because I should. I am the perfect age for me. But back when I didn’t even need the stupid wrinkle cream, I bought it. I was convinced I had to have it, time and time again. I bought into the hype, hook line and sinker.
And still I hang on to it; why? I mean seriously, some days I don’t have enough discipline to even remove my mascara before bed.
( best tip ever: use a little olive oil to remove mascara, I promise you’ll never go back to anything else )
What makes me think I will ever want to go through some “ritual” every night to see maybe a 5 % difference in fine lines in 60 days? Nothing. I would never see the difference anyway. In 60 days I would forget to even look.
In addition to the many miracle wrinkle creams, I found duplicates of various blushes, “glows” and even some Lip Venom. Lip Venom I bought maybe 4 years ago – unopened. Like I need Lip Venom. Big sigh.
I rarely wear make-up beyond mascara and lipstick and for special ” I give a sh*t days” days I may wear some cover. Even still haven’t pulled the trigger to go ahead and thrown away all these concoctions.
I can see now, I am really writing this post to psych myself into throwing hundreds of dollars of cosmetics away. Tonight is garbage night. Which means if I do it now, there is no turning back. (Update I didn’t throw anything away on garbage night.)
One good thing has come from this huge burden of material things, I have stopped purchasing items I think I want. I have been sticking closely to buying only needs. Lucky for me, my “needs” are really very few and far between. ( not to say big ticket items don’t pop up when unexpected -like brakes, tires, tie-rods, flight for children, and animal care, etc.) But I have stopped buying meaningless stuff, and that’s a step in the right direction.
A guy I know once told me that his goal was to ” live below his means.” I like that thinking. That’s where I want to be; less stuff, no debt, and a simple life. This is my goal. Everyday we are getting closer, but it’s a long process and along the way we do stumble.
The only thing to do after you stumble, I mean FALL, is get back up.
Here’s to getting back up. Cheers.
(*Ignore my foul language that’s just how the words came out today. )
What a difference a year can make. Last year at this time I was highly stressed over everything. I was dreading the holidays, and looking for answers to my dysfunctional family of origin. I was burdened without knowing where my next home might be and uncertain as to our future regarding EVERYTHING.
I carried my disappointments front and center all the while trying to make sense out of things that had no answers. This practice lead me to intense sadness, and counter-productive thoughts. Even though I logically was writing about solutions which contained numerous rationalizations, I wasn’t really seeing positive results.
I used to describe my living condition as a sort of limbo hell both physically and emotionally. In essence that was what it was; limbo hell.
I wrote. I read. I planned. I learned. I tried everything, nothing worked.
You know why nothing worked?
Nothing worked because I thought writing the ideas, reading them, and believing I knew something would be enough to make things better. I am going to tell you right here and now….”knowing” anything is worthless without “doing.”
And that is where I am now. I am in the “doing phase.” I am, once and for all, dropping all the slights and the hurts that I perceived over the past several years of my life. Seriously, in order to get anywhere you have to stop “feeling” the past. I use the word ” feeling” the past instead of living, or thinking about the past because it’s how you feel that squashes out your light.
Very soon after I started this “journey to living better with less” I broke down and cried when told I had too many framed photos. That scene made me well aware that my journey was about much more than just “stuff.” I know why I cried. Inside all those frames I saw photos of better times. I cried because I was forced to acknowledge time had vanished into thin air faster than a blink. It all hit me at once like a ton of bricks. I was without. I was in limbo.
Fast forward to now:
This year I am hosting Thanksgiving for my entire family, including my family of origin and I am doing it with an open heart. That’s right, for those people who I have said terrible things about and who I saw as a problem. Those who I shut out and avoided. I am kind of shocked about this myself, but I have thought about this for a awhile and it feels right.
They say time heals, but I don’t think it is time. I think we heal by our own choice. I am not saying it’s easy, but at some point in time you have to move on and you have to let go. You need to live in the present, and see the here and now and you have to eliminate feeling the past. The past is gone.
So now, maybe now, I can say I have grown. Maybe I am capable of putting everything I have learned to work. I’ll tell you this much, it feels like a huge heavy boulder has been remove from my soul, and that is a good thing. I don’t plan on ever holding on to emotional garbage again. From my experience emotional clutter is far more destructive than any of the items collecting dust in my storage unit.
Time to carry on. Cheers!
This is basically how I feel and what I believe in a nut shell.
Please watch and actually take a moment to see how materialism has shaped your life. I was forced to look at my ways, and I am better for it. At least, I feel better and I am happier.
I am free from the grip of corporations, and I strive to become even more free each and every day.
Today I learned from the other day and simply removed myself from a conversation of which I didn’t want to participate in, and I am proud of myself.
It was so easy to just change the subject, get ignored, and slowly move away. The conversation wasn’t a feel good conversation, and even though I have my own opinions on just about everything I just wanted a more positive day for myself. So I got it.
There you have it, an example of taking control of my environment. I am still learning, so I know there is hope for you too.
Happy Father’s Day all you dads, keep being awesome!
Oh it’s Sunday so I shouldn’t be posting – got to go! Cheers!