doing

New year, another chance? pffffft !

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So many times we think of the new year as the starting line.  The moment in time when we are going to get our shit together and make a real difference in the time we spend here on earth.  How silly is that?  I mean so many years I have considered the New Year as the day of change.  I waited for that very date to start, to be better, then over the weeks I stop, and I usually failed.

This new year is different.  No, really it is.  Why? or How? you ask.  I’m about to tell you.

Here’s the thing.  Every second we have the power to change.  But we get lazy, we become out of tune with ourselves and many times just completely over powered by circumstance we do not control.  We listen to those who do not have our best interests at heart.  We follow ideals that are impossible to achieve.  And we worship the wrong gods.  This is what has to end.  We can only be led to follow the wrong direction if we stop paying attention to ourselves.

It’s all about personal awareness.  It’s all about keeping the life you want forefront in you thoughts and actions.  Its about really making what you want into a priority.  Not only on January first, but during every second of you life.

Now I am not saying this is easy, heck no. If it was easy I certainly would have mastered it by now.  It’s not easy.  For some reason, however, this time, I don’t see my life as drive, guts, or ambition.  I do not criticize myself based on achievements or willpower or anything thing like that.  All I see as real is awareness.  Be aware.  Recognize your thoughts and change them to align with who you want to be.  Identify your feelings and process them.  Calibrate your actions to fall in line with your life and only your life.

Everything will fall in place if you remain aware.  Get ready to be amazed and enjoy!

Cheers!

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Mexican Squirt, listen and stop

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Around the corner from where I live there is this Mexican Grocery store.  And right now I am enjoying a Mexican Squirt.  That’s Squirt made with pure cane sugar.  No high-fructose corn syrup in it and it is delicious.   I enjoyed being in the market.  The store clerk was friendly, ask me if it was my first time there, it wasn’t.  He was super kind.

They sell all types of peppers, homemade salsa, they even prepare fresh tacos during lunch hour, and they also sell cacti.  How do you even prepare cactus? I don’t know, but while I was there I felt like I was worlds away. Away from the normal unrelenting drone of this American life.  Yet, I was less than one mile from my house.

The point here is – I think I am suffering from too much.  Too much of everything.  Seeing too much, hearing too much.  Owning too much, and feeling too much.  Thinking too much.  Worrying too much.  I am officially on overload.

I need to shut it all off.  I need to shut it all down.  I need to try not to notice.  I need to listen.

I need to listen to that voice inside that has been screaming at me – STOP!

So today I stop.  I am really going to stop tomorrow,  I don’t know exactly what I will do, but it wont require me to worry, to think, or to rush here or there.

I am officially in the stop mode.  I don’t care if I don’t know how to be  a miracle worker right now…..I am stop mode.  If I don’t learn how to meditate this week, so what?

I already feel better just saying I am in “stop mode.”  Seems silly but it appears to be helping me.

I hope you can STOP also…..it’s awesome and I just started a few minutes ago. I guess it doesn’t take 40 day to stop.

Cheers!

Day 3

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“I want to live in the woods”

Well, I am trying to get through this stuff  and it seems quite easy.  But is it helping?  I am not sure.

Forty days, it says, in forty days a new perspective.

The concept is to follow this book, “May Cause Miracles” one day at a time and do the daily exercise.  So far it isn’t very time consuming and that is certainly a huge relief.  Maybe I will stick with it.  I know any lasting change will take time, consistency and effort.   Actually, I see this is a life-style change, so I know I will have to work at it every day of my life.  In time that commitment should become a blessing.  

At least that is how I see it.

Right now I am on day 3.  Yes, day three.  Today’s affirmation is “Love did not cause this.”  Of course it didn’t.  Love is pure.  Fear can not exist where love exists.

I really can’t let myself down.

Note: These posts will be rambling with no purpose.  I want to write how I feel through the course of this book so I can reflect on it later. So please don’t expect anything more than that, or you will be disappointed.  Cheers friends!

To Do, Doing, Done

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What a difference a year can make.  Last year at this time I was highly stressed over everything.  I was dreading the holidays, and looking for answers to my dysfunctional family of origin.  I was burdened without knowing where my next home might be and uncertain as to our future regarding EVERYTHING.

I carried my disappointments front and center all the while trying to make sense out of things that had no answers.  This practice lead me to intense sadness, and counter-productive thoughts. Even though I logically was writing about solutions which contained numerous rationalizations, I wasn’t really seeing positive results.

I used to describe my living condition as a sort of limbo hell both physically and emotionally.  In essence that was what it was; limbo hell.

I wrote.  I read.  I planned. I learned. I tried everything, nothing worked.

You know why nothing worked?

Nothing worked because I thought writing the ideas, reading them, and believing  I knew something would be enough to make things better.  I am going to tell you right here and now….”knowing” anything  is worthless without “doing.”

And that is where I am now.   I am in the “doing phase.”  I am, once and for all, dropping all the slights and the hurts that I perceived over the past several years of my life.  Seriously, in order to get anywhere you have to stop “feeling” the past.  I use the word ” feeling”  the past instead of living, or thinking about the past because it’s how you feel that squashes out your light.

Very soon after I started this “journey to living better with less” I broke down and cried when told I had too many framed photos.  That scene made me well aware that my journey was about much more than just “stuff.”  I know why I cried.  Inside all those frames I saw photos of better times.  I cried because I was forced to acknowledge time had vanished into thin air faster than a blink.  It all hit me at once like a ton of bricks.  I was without.  I was in limbo.

Fast forward to now:

This year I am hosting Thanksgiving  for my entire family, including my family of origin and I am doing it with an open heart.   That’s right, for those people who I have said terrible things about and who I saw as a problem.   Those who I shut out and avoided.   I am kind of shocked about this myself, but I have thought about this for a awhile and it feels right.

They say time heals, but I don’t think it is time.  I think we heal by our own choice.  I am not saying it’s easy, but at some point in time you have to move on and you have to let go.  You need to live in the present, and see the here and now and you have to eliminate feeling the past.  The past is gone.

So now, maybe now, I can say I have grown.  Maybe I am capable of putting everything I have learned to work.  I’ll tell you this much, it feels like a huge heavy boulder has been remove from my soul, and that is a good thing.  I don’t plan on ever holding on to emotional garbage again.  From my experience emotional clutter is far more destructive than any of the items collecting dust in my storage unit.

Time to carry on. Cheers!