Lost

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I think I have lost something.

I’ve lost the ability to vividly day dream.   Many years ago I would visualize things, I didn’t realize I was doing this.  I did it as if it was second nature.  I envisioned having three children and watching them play in my yard in Colorado.   I clearly visualize living a stones throw from the beach on the west coast.  I even visualized living in an apartment with my drafting table set up such that I could look out the window.  I vividly remember driving down Huntington Boulevard, and looking down at my hand and visualizing my wedding ring.

That ring is now on my finger.  I do have three children.  Everything came true except living in Colorado.  Maybe those were grand children playing in the yard with the back drop of mountains.  I don’t know.

When I daydream now it’s a blank.  There’s nothing there.  Okay, that’s not completely true but it’s close.  At times I can focus on a generic ocean waves rolling in once and in awhile and  sometimes  I see myself in a garden of green plants with sunshine bearing down on the greenery, but that is about it.   I got nothing else playing on the screen in my head.

This is an issue, I used to say “problem”, but several years ago at work we switch that word to “issue”  and it stuck.

The Geography of Stuck

It’s nearly mortifying for me to even consider answering that age old question: “So where do you see yourself in five years, in ten years?”  Have you recently asked yourself those questions?

I am living in the land of “stuck” right now, and that’s okay for today, it’s my tomorrows I am contemplating.  There always good everywhere, and I have no doubt hope what ever we decide will the right choice.

Other people who reach crossroads seem to already know exactly what they want to do.  Is it because they planned it years ago and stuck with it, or are they just better at making the tough decisions?   I really don’t know.

I am going to try to figure this out one way or another, but at the moment I have nothing to go on.  No vision. I’m just living in limbo. Right foot, left foot, repeat.

Tip: Remember this to0 shall pass.

Inspiration: ” Every man’s life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain.” – Marcus Aurelius

One-day one-thing: Do not worry about the future, concern yourself with now.

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