Usually I would keep my business to myself, but I am tired of that.
We put an offer in on a house. There is a tiny sticky issue. The house has received at least seven offers. Seven freakin’ offers. Dang. And we will not know anything for seven to ten days as to who’s offer gets the house.
It’s not my house in the country. It’s not my house on the beach. It’s not the prefab that I so adored. It’s not a loft in Brooklyn. It’s exactly what I thought, maybe I even said, I would never do. No other specifics just yet, because I don’t want to jinx anything.
Side note: Realize whenever you say “never” that will be your future.
Immediately, when we walked into the house it felt like it was mine, as if it belonged to me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, everyone agreed. That never happens. Well it happened this time. I find myself daydreaming and placing furniture in the rooms, and making mental images of what we will fix first. Then I force myself to stop. Don’t get attached. Sort something. Write something. Do something to take your mind off it. Too late.
Crazy I know. But what is crazier is that I know mentally,
I can’t I don’t want to take on another disappointment. Days before we made our offer I asked for advice from my son. He’s level headed, smart and lucky- emphasis on lucky. I never met anyone else that lucky. I kept asking him, what if we don’t get this house? How am I going to handle it? I always have such high hopes, sky-high expectations and I am an eternal optimist. (that is except when I’m sad and longing for the day to end. )
I wanted an answer as to how I was going to recover if our bid didn’t win. I wanted some sort of reassurance that magic fairy dust would fall from the sky and gentle cover me and make everything beautiful and all sparkle-ly. I wanted to hear something other than, “it wasn’t meant to be” or “this just means the next opportunity will be better.”
I sound like a spoiled brat. (<-dislike)
In my reality, and in my logical mind, I know it won’t be the end of the world if we don’t get it. I know that. I know whatever happens I will be fine. I already am an incredibly fortunate person. Life will go an and it will be great. I know this to be true.
But that’s not my entire point here. This time when the cards are stacked against us, I’d like to be on the side that wins. I once won a Little Playmate cooler when I was senior in high school. Woo-hoo! It was fun to win. Plus this blue and white cooler, our school colors, held a six pack of 3.2 beer perfectly. School spirit when drinking. Yay! Needless to say it’s been awhile. Winning might actually freak me out, but I will happily suffer the freak out.
Am I being too selfish to want something more, like this house? I don’t know. Where is the line? I have no clue. I certainly don’t want to cross the line. I don’t want to be greedy.
So that’s my news of the day. I am back on the roller coaster of my life. I think that’s just the way my life rolls. No matter what, the coaster keeps coming back, it stops right in front of me, and I willingly hop in anxious for yet another ride. My choice, I know, and I am good with that. No hands always!
Tip: Use the word never when you want something to happen.
Inspiration: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. ” ~ Mark Twain
One-day one-thing: Treat you body and mind, take a drop-in yoga class.