So I didn’t make it pass day three of “May Cause Miracles.” That’s right, it was so easy, I said. A snap. “I can do this!”
But life has a way of interrupting even the best of intentions. I mean if all I had to do was to take care of myself, just me, no one else or no other creature, or no other anything, just maybe I could make it past day 3. I don’t know.
I told myself I would catch up, or start over, I have not done either yet. My plate of life is so full right now with……business issues, legal issues, my Mother is ill, my children aren’t settled, a house in disrepair, oh and let’s not forget the tax issues they just found from 2004!
There is even more than that, but that’s about all I care to put into writing.
I think I have done it all wrong. I must have. Everything. Wrong. Since the beginning of my life I must have listened to the wrong people and taken in the wrong messages. I don’t know how else I could have arrived at this place at this time. Because how? Tell me how ? One person can really want a better existence yet can’t ever figure out how to get it?
For the most part I have tried to do the right thing. Even as a small child I knew not to belittle or mock others, I stood up for the underdog ALWAYS. I would think, what would be best? What would be nice? What would be helpful?
Yet here I am, a struggling mess.
I can be sarcastic but only in fun. You know a dry sense of humor….that alone shouldn’t have banished me to this place.
I eat healthy. Food and weight isn’t my issue. I do not long for material items. I dont want or need the latest greatest anything. I just want a simple peaceful life.
Maybe someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are sticking it with pins. That’s about all I can figure, or I was a horrible person in another lifetime. Oy Vey!
Self sabotage. Ever hear of it? It’s when we know better, and yet we continue to follow ideas, thoughts and actions that will not get us where we want to be.
Why do we do this? I have no clue, but I am willing to try to figure it out. So here are my guesses:
1. We are comfortable in habit.
2. We are afraid of failure.
3. We are lazy
4. We have no will power.
5. We have low expectations.
6. We are afraid of change.
7. We doubt our abilities.
Those are the top seven reasons that just popped in my head. You may have come up with different reasons. (I would love to hear from you in the comments)
Now, I want to take those same reasons and listen to them as if a child was telling me why they could never ride a two-wheeler.
My reaction to the child’s reasons was simple and automatic. I effortlessly and instantly offered encouragement. I quickly reassured the child that there was no harm in trying. I let him/her know the worst that could happen isn’t that bad, and that she could always try again.
So why is it as adults we (I) fail to encourage ourselves? I don’t have the answers, nothing is popping into my head.
As a matter of fact, I must take this little post and apply it to myself. It’s time to encourage myself. Wish me well. Cheers to all of you out there who are trying to break out of your existing patterns.
Tip: Treat yourself like you care about yourself.
Inspiration: “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn
One-day one-thing: I am going to paint or draw something today.
The other day, early while I was still in bed. I got a text. Yes, I am one of those idiots that sleeps with her iPhone. A bad habit I will attempt to break at a later date. Anyway the text said come see Stevie Wonder at 9:30 am today then vote early.
This was only an hours notice, and well I had already voted early, but I convinced my Husband to get up on this cold Saturday and at least vote. We figured if the Stevie Wonder crowd wasn’t too big and if we could get parking we’d check it out.
Here’s the thing – we finally found a parking garage and the attendant basically told us “You can turn around here and go in the lot cross the street for half price.” Okay cool, we thought. I turned around and at that very moment a street spot opened up….free parking. ( I do have a parking angel – another post) I got out of the car, and glanced at the sidewalk and found a penny shining back at me. I pick it up. (I always pick up money I see on the ground)
The scene was eerie, it was empty. Long story short, we grabbed a couple coffees from a guy who just moved here from Bosnia. He kept saying “I have no power at home, I am from Bosnia, this has never happened to me”…” never in Bosnia.”
Then two perfectly detailed Black Escalades drove pass….we run across the street and are in the first row of the small crowd. Stevie Wonder!
He played for about 50 minutes, and opened with this song: Please follow the words in the video….and enjoy.
After he finished his set, he walk the rails, talking to people, shaking hands, and giving hugs…..He got to me and I asked him to warm my hand. He held it for awhile and gave me two love squeezes. WOW.
All I can think of is the power of his message, the power of his soul and the beauty that he creates. I am in awe. And I feel extremely privileged to have spent my freezing Saturday morning with him. And I thank him for being who he is.
The time to love is now. Right now. Stevie, you helped me when I needed it.
What a difference a year can make. Last year at this time I was highly stressed over everything. I was dreading the holidays, and looking for answers to my dysfunctional family of origin. I was burdened without knowing where my next home might be and uncertain as to our future regarding EVERYTHING.
I carried my disappointments front and center all the while trying to make sense out of things that had no answers. This practice lead me to intense sadness, and counter-productive thoughts. Even though I logically was writing about solutions which contained numerous rationalizations, I wasn’t really seeing positive results.
I used to describe my living condition as a sort of limbo hell both physically and emotionally. In essence that was what it was; limbo hell.
I wrote. I read. I planned. I learned. I tried everything, nothing worked.
You know why nothing worked?
Nothing worked because I thought writing the ideas, reading them, and believing I knew something would be enough to make things better. I am going to tell you right here and now….”knowing” anything is worthless without “doing.”
And that is where I am now. I am in the “doing phase.” I am, once and for all, dropping all the slights and the hurts that I perceived over the past several years of my life. Seriously, in order to get anywhere you have to stop “feeling” the past. I use the word ” feeling” the past instead of living, or thinking about the past because it’s how you feel that squashes out your light.
Very soon after I started this “journey to living better with less” I broke down and cried when told I had too many framed photos. That scene made me well aware that my journey was about much more than just “stuff.” I know why I cried. Inside all those frames I saw photos of better times. I cried because I was forced to acknowledge time had vanished into thin air faster than a blink. It all hit me at once like a ton of bricks. I was without. I was in limbo.
Fast forward to now:
This year I am hosting Thanksgiving for my entire family, including my family of origin and I am doing it with an open heart. That’s right, for those people who I have said terrible things about and who I saw as a problem. Those who I shut out and avoided. I am kind of shocked about this myself, but I have thought about this for a awhile and it feels right.
They say time heals, but I don’t think it is time. I think we heal by our own choice. I am not saying it’s easy, but at some point in time you have to move on and you have to let go. You need to live in the present, and see the here and now and you have to eliminate feeling the past. The past is gone.
So now, maybe now, I can say I have grown. Maybe I am capable of putting everything I have learned to work. I’ll tell you this much, it feels like a huge heavy boulder has been remove from my soul, and that is a good thing. I don’t plan on ever holding on to emotional garbage again. From my experience emotional clutter is far more destructive than any of the items collecting dust in my storage unit.
Time to carry on. Cheers!
Today I learned from the other day and simply removed myself from a conversation of which I didn’t want to participate in, and I am proud of myself.
It was so easy to just change the subject, get ignored, and slowly move away. The conversation wasn’t a feel good conversation, and even though I have my own opinions on just about everything I just wanted a more positive day for myself. So I got it.
There you have it, an example of taking control of my environment. I am still learning, so I know there is hope for you too.
Happy Father’s Day all you dads, keep being awesome!
Oh it’s Sunday so I shouldn’t be posting – got to go! Cheers!
Recently, more than once, I have known things before I actually saw them in real life.
Pretty weird. But it got me to thinking, just how did that happen. Seriously who told my brain that I would find exactly what I thought I would find, before I found it. How did I know?
The more abstract thing is this was a physical item, a book. Not feeling or an event, but an actual book. Published in 2002, today I knew would be in the local Goodwill. I wasn’t planning to go to Goodwill, but I felt something say “go there.” I fought that inner voice. That is until I remembered my post from the other day saying trust your instincts.
So I blew off my trip to the office supply store as previously planned and made my way to Goodwill.
I saw a top I donated last fall, just out now because it’s a springtime top. I still didn’t like it. Why on earth did I ever buy that thing? Anyway, I looked around and practiced just being there and concentrating on all the weird stuff I was seeing. I listened to the music playing and minded my own space.
I thought that the “book” was there. Mind you this was only a fleeting thought in my head. I ignored it, didn’t even look for the book. The thought raced across my mind once again. I ignored it again. Finally I told myself to go look for the book……it wasn’t on the side where I thought it would be. That was the end of that.
I turned the corner and there was a 2002 edition of the Guinness World Record book. I could hardly believe it. It was there.
You see, when my oldest son was young I started giving him Guinness World Record books every Christmas. I was encouraging him to read. Anyway, when he was in grade school he took his brand spankin’ new 2002 Guinness World Record book to school and some kid wrecked it. Just like that.
I’d like to find a replacement for him and that’s why I have it on my mind. But who knew my mind could tell me when it would be at Goodwill.
So weird. But I am here to tell you I am open to this power if there is such a thing.
Tip: Try to stop thinking, sing instead. I do this in my car, it feels good.
Inspiration:”In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few.” -Shunryu Suzuli
One-day one thing: Let go of one regret forever.
For life of me I do not understand mean people. I know what bitchy is, and I know what angry is and I am fine with both those in limited quantities. I mean that’s just part of human nature. Who among us hasn’t had a bad day? But mean is something I will never comprehend.
I am getting a first hand lesson in the power of mean. But I have also realized that I can take away that power of mean simply by stepping outside my feelings and observing as if I were a third party. Let me tell you what I have seen as that third party.
I have seen the depth of despair and confusion in the eyes of the mean person. I have witness someone out of control, unable to stop themselves long enough to find the right words. I have seen the face of hate. In their state of meanness, which to me is void of all love, they scan their brains quickly taunting me to engage. But I don’t. I have learned to step outside of myself, and observe. It’s a weird position, and quite new to me. In the past I would definitely shoot back and lose no matter what. No one ever wins in “mean.”
It’s shocking to me, because now I see it so clearly. Before now I would engage and not be able to think straight.
I don’t want someone in my life that treats me poorly. I don’t want someone in my life that holds anger and hostilities towards me. For whatever reasons, unknown to me, I am the one that receives what ever sh*t they want to throw. I have even received the silent treatment, which is hysterical to watch from afar, as if I care to talk to someone so mean.
Mean people don’t seem to know about love. They just don’t. They don’t know how to show it, give it, receive it or feel it. They may have read about it but it’s just not in their nature. Unless they chose to learn about it and change their core beliefs, they will continue to live on with the weight of bitterness, hate and anger baring down on their souls. I don’t even think they know they are missing out on anything.
You see it’s not about making points, or winning an argument, it’s all about what you want in your life. A cold loveless existence just isn’t for me. As I declutter I am purging my thoughts that someone else will ever change.
Instead I have changed. I have changed by not taking in the hostility anymore. I find this approach both powerful and liberating. Any sadness I held for what could have been is gone. I have throw away all my “could-have-been(s).”
Here is a more in depth look at “How to Combat Emotional Warfare and Root Out the Manipulative, Abusive People in Your Life” (this article showed up in my email just now-weird)
Tip: Learn to protect yourself; just walk away if someone is treating you unkindly.
Inspiration: “Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.”- Mohandas K. Gandhi
One-day one -thing: Stop thinking about what could-have-been.
I had already set my New’s Resolution to stop swearing, then I realize it was more than that.
It is not only the about words but also about what is behind the words. An anger or a rage lives there. Who needs that? We have all witness someone who gets angry. It can make us uncomfortable, it can frighten us and change the mood of an entire experience.
We can easily see what we don’t like about it in others, but many times when we do it, we feel perfectly justified. We become entitled and self-righteous, “I’m just telling it like it is.” (again, I am speaking for myself)
What we are really doing is hurting those around us and ourselves, even if that is not our intention.
All words carry energy. The old saying “stick and stones” isn’t true. In fact, it is plain false. Even when you are not swearing, but just talking negatively without fore thought or speaking with an “attitude.”- those words cause damage. Each word is what you are as you speak. That is what you are contributing to the world, to the greater good.
Is what you say good?
Words to Promote Positive Changes in the World by Jill Lawson- addresses the importance of words in her short and to the point article. She breaks it down to three items.
1) Avoid idle chat, gossip and words that intend to hurt.
2) Speak your truth.
3) Be a good listener.
Also in The Four Agreements, one of the four agreements is:
Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
So I shall do my best, starting today, even though I said it was a New Year’s resolution. This will take practice. I know change is hard and change takes time, but I want to change. So I have half the battle won already. Cheers!
Inspiration: “Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill. ” ~ Buddha