So I didn’t make it pass day three of “May Cause Miracles.” That’s right, it was so easy, I said. A snap. “I can do this!”
But life has a way of interrupting even the best of intentions. I mean if all I had to do was to take care of myself, just me, no one else or no other creature, or no other anything, just maybe I could make it past day 3. I don’t know.
I told myself I would catch up, or start over, I have not done either yet. My plate of life is so full right now with……business issues, legal issues, my Mother is ill, my children aren’t settled, a house in disrepair, oh and let’s not forget the tax issues they just found from 2004!
There is even more than that, but that’s about all I care to put into writing.
I think I have done it all wrong. I must have. Everything. Wrong. Since the beginning of my life I must have listened to the wrong people and taken in the wrong messages. I don’t know how else I could have arrived at this place at this time. Because how? Tell me how ? One person can really want a better existence yet can’t ever figure out how to get it?
For the most part I have tried to do the right thing. Even as a small child I knew not to belittle or mock others, I stood up for the underdog ALWAYS. I would think, what would be best? What would be nice? What would be helpful?
Yet here I am, a struggling mess.
I can be sarcastic but only in fun. You know a dry sense of humor….that alone shouldn’t have banished me to this place.
I eat healthy. Food and weight isn’t my issue. I do not long for material items. I dont want or need the latest greatest anything. I just want a simple peaceful life.
Maybe someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are sticking it with pins. That’s about all I can figure, or I was a horrible person in another lifetime. Oy Vey!
Have you ever felt like you were ready to change, to start something to better you life but you felt restricted by people around you? It’s like trying to change life long patterns that no longer fit your dreams, and people around you take every chance to mock or dismiss your ideas.
I have felt that way for several years now. And I believe I allowed those outside influences to make my attempts at changing terribly difficult.
Face it, we all know there are productive methods for example, get yourself out of a rut. But when you talk about it, there seems someone is always more than ready to tell you how it won’t work, or you’ll never stick with it. Then they might go as far to point out several of your past failed attempts to change. That is the sort of thing that crushes me.
Even changing my eating habit is still to this day met with sideways glances and grimacing faces. Usually from people who are closest to me. “You eat that?! Gross.” They may even mock where I read about it and challenge it’s validity. In any case, the negative responses really effect me. I wish they didn’t do this , but they do.
Some say you have to ignore them, easier said then done. Others say you have to remove them from your life, and surround your self with more like-minded people. Again easier said then done.
So today, I have to ignore them. And tomorrow I have to ignore them, and for the rest of my life I have to ignore them. I have to look past what they say, and stay on my path. This is going to be hard, because my auto-pilot reactions is to self doubt. My thoughts race to: ” They are right, I do fail all the time. I will never be able to change.” And the words I hear, plus the word I then tell myself reinforce constant failures as my truth.
I am going to try. Again. I know that this will all be on me. If I fail one day, I will have to get back up. It all sounds so cliche, but I have no other options. I have to gather every once of encouragement no matter if I find it.
Right now this is my guide: A book: May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein
I’ll blog about my 40 day journey. Cheers.
The cause is all the clutter in my mind, body and soul. MsRat appears to be full of crap. I will provide my tools and my methods for my new life. I have been needed this my whole life and only recently have I decided that it’s time now!
It’s a new day, the best day. Cheers.
This beautiful sunflower shows all the hope and promise of life. I am here, I am happy, I am spectacular. Bring it on. I am ready.
What a glorious sight. Nature at its finest, from a simple little seed this masterpiece sprouted .
That was yesterday. Yesterday is gone.
Today life has already sent a blow to the sunflower. I am guessing a squirrel had a hand in this. It wasn’t anything personal, it just happened.
As time goes on, more and more will happen to this sunflower, most of which will be none of its own doing. That is just the way it goes.
So the sunflower’s couple days brought me to my message or point. Enjoy life even though it’s ever changing, even if at times it seems unfair.
How many time have you heard the phrase,” enjoy the moment” ? Sounds so cliche but it’s not. Have you managed to put this phrase to practice?
It’s not easy, but it is doable. I try everyday. Everyday every moment is a challenge, or should I say an “opportunity” to remember to live, to enjoy, to breath, to love and to be grateful and kind. You can just pick one of those thoughts and you’re well on your way.
It takes a conscientious effort and a consistent effort to live in the moment. Practice make perfect. Take right now for instance, be happy you are reading. Just enjoy the photos if nothing more. Acknowledge your moment and smile. Then repeat every moment the rest of your life.
One person I know uses the phrase “don’t time travel” meaning don’t worry, fret or ponder the future or the past, only right now truly exists….live now – find joy now, be kind now, be grateful now, choose a positive thought over a negative thought.
I may be writing this for myself as a concrete lesson I can visualize…..but it doesn’t matter.
I hope you enjoy many moments.
This is basically how I feel and what I believe in a nut shell.
Please watch and actually take a moment to see how materialism has shaped your life. I was forced to look at my ways, and I am better for it. At least, I feel better and I am happier.
I am free from the grip of corporations, and I strive to become even more free each and every day.
A person can only be pushed so far.
I really do not know how people do it. How do people continue on peacefully when the world around them is crumbling?
Last week a young mother was shot dead in the middle of the afternoon. From what I understand there was a fight going on between two groups of girls. Someone pulled out a gun, shots were fired, and people ran away. This young mother was running away, to save her life. It didn’t work.
This was in a neighborhood of housing. People live there, sleep there, laugh there, feed their children and sing lullabies. Yet outside at any given moment someone can be shot dead in the middle of the afternoon.
I am so touched by this story, and so entirely confused as to why this violence is allowed to continue. Is it because these people are poor? Is it our cities failing to make security and safety a priority? Is it the crumbling school system, or the rarely existence family support? Is it caused by the onset of the gun culture? Or is it really because the rest of the city and surrounding suburbs just don’t give a sh*t?
We need to take a moment and wake the f*ck up.
Since writing this many months ago, a terrible shooting happened in a small quaint town of about 5000 named Chardon, not too far from Cleveland. One morning before classes started, three students were shot dead. A 4th student is recovering in the hospital and the fifth shooting victim is recovering at home. Three young people shot dead in cold blood by a 17 year old student.
I have pondered the effects of the school shooting and nothing I come up with makes any sense except that we the people have to start caring about each other. We need to teach kindness, and tolerance. We need to teach the basics of right from wrong in our homes. We need to be reminded that people can be cruel and bitter, but usually because they are in a painful place, and they need help. We need to do all we can to build bridges in stead of walls.
We need schools that are safe. And if that means we need police there, then put police there. If it means we need metal detectors then place the detectors are the door ways. We need to take bullying seriously, and we need to listen to our children, especially if they are saying something that sounds off-base or unusual.
We need to wake up to the fact that there are drugs in every school. It’s a fact kids drink and drive, and they have parties and drink their parents booze. Students cheat on test and make trades for homework, and just like always they have unprotected sex.
Parents need to get their heads out of the sand. School administrators need to be fair and consistent when enforcing the school codes. No more hiding the dirty little secrets.
We need to recognize that all students are not the same, some are gay and some students are homophobic. Students are every race and racism is alive and well in America. These are issues that continuously harm our society as a whole. And if we want it to change, each one of us has to personally stand up and say enough is enough.
Regardless of differences each child deserves an education in an environment that is safe physically and emotionally no matter what it takes. And they are not going to get it unless we demand it. They need us now, not later.
Start a conversation, let your voices be heard.
I was very kind to my self one day. I did a very simple exercise. I complimented myself. I told myself I was a good mother in the way I raised my children. I can’t tell you how incredible that felt.
Usually I would worry about all the things I would have done differently. Like not fight with their father, and not turn weekends into a cleaning marathons. I would beat my self up for making my children sad because I yelled. I constantly saw my errors instead of any of the wins.
One day it stopped, I stopped making chores a priority. I stopped expecting things I really deep inside didn’t care about. I learned that perfection was never going to exist in our home. I let that go along with all the other unrealistic goals.
I went a bit overboard, seriously, we had a messy house most every day of the year. But the kid’s friends would come over, and it was relaxed. I told them they never had to knock, come over any time, need dinner, then please join us. It was awesome. I sold my self short, I never knew how my children loved having the house where everyone was welcome and virtually nothing mattered.
I would drink wine, get silly and they would laugh at me. They would take over the living room to watch scarey gross movies. It was all that I always wanted; an open house.
We never even locked our doors until my one son bought his own computer, then he asked that we start locking the door. Probably a good idea, seeing my car was broken into twice, while in the drive.
Even with all this success, I still would focused on my mistakes. For so long I didn’t know how to make it up to them. I wasn’t perfect.
All three are in college now, living and learning and growing into fine human beings. They make me proud everyday.
I am a good Mom. Finally I believe that even with all the errors and the growing pains. I believe life teaches you what you need to learn, that is- if you are aware and open to the endless possibilities.
Tip: Never beat your self up – it does no good.
Inspiration: “The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” ~Honoré de Balzac
(so, mothers forgive yourselves, we aren’t perfect)
One-day one-thing: If something doesn’t bring joy into your home – change it..
I am convinced that dogs have the world figure out. I know am not the first to say this, but I don’t care. When a dog barks he is not saying anything new.
Dogs can read another dog as easily as we can read directions on a cake box. Those direction are very clear and concise leaving no room for errors.
When dogs meets other dogs and there’s an instant positive vibe, then they are perfectly okay with that new friend(s). It’s simple. Dogs just trust their own instincts. If they don’t like what the meet , they bristle and let that dog know to stay the $%^# away.
Think of how many times you’ve gone against your own best judgement or a feeling you had but couldn’t exactly explained. We humans call that a “gut instinct” or ” intuition” but I really believe it lives as truth in the heart section of your brain. I don’t even know if there is a heart section of the brain, but I choose to believe there is.
I think we need to pay super close attention to whatever we tell ourselves inside our heads and hearts.
I have had some difficult times, we all have, and I have tried to fix problems I didn’t cause. ( May no good deed go unpunished)
I am here to say forget those problems. Whatever issue it is, if you in absolute truth can not control it, then it isn’t something to waste one once of energy trying to correct or fix. Don’t worry or fret, don’t ponder or gossip, don’t talk and re-talk, just choose live without it.
Shake it off. Wag your tail, take a walk and smell the air. Dig in the dirt. Be happy that you were fed today, smile and carry on.
Tip: Always put your keys in the same place.
Inspiration: ” We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” -Barbara De Angelis
One-day one-thing: Plan a picnic for the next nice free day you have.
The other day I looked at the clock and it said 5:30, but it was still light out. So of course I thought that my clock battery died. I didn’t realize that we have turned the corner, and the days were getting longer. Next it will be spring. This morning I even heard birds singing, yes not just making noise, they were singing.
I believe my horrible experiences over the winter sucked my personal time clock right out of me. It’s all one big blur. January? Did we have a January this year? February is okay. Valentine’s is the only holiday in my book that makes any sense. Wait, New Years make sense too.
Which brings me to March, March 15th to be exact. “Beware the Ides of March.” How fitting as I will be getting the keys to our new home on that day. It all happened so fast that I wasn’t sure if I even had time to think about it. But we are moving into the city. Not city living like New York City, nope, no high rises, but within the city boundary lines.
I will be completely honest, I have never lived in a city. Oh, I once lived in Dallas proper, but that doesn’t count. That place was a organized community maybe 19 apartment complexes in a circle with a clubhouse and large pool in the middle. I remember one event we watch Rodger Staubach jump off the high dive, he was old even back then…maybe he dove. We just drank.
So into the city we go. I have always lived in a bubble. I took an on-line quiz the other night, that among other things determines the thickness of that bubble, and mine is quite thick. I am a liberal thinker who has lived a sheltered life. Then for fun, halfway kidding half way not, I sent this clip of Clint Eastwood to my husband:
I can’t imagine living where my every move isn’t analyzed and critiqued by people who have nothing better to do – Or where people care more about the car I drive and the brand of my shoes, than who I am. In the “city” no one will care if I put a tree in the yard, or if I paint my house purple, or if I put flowers next to the sidewalk.
Where I used to live I knew the Mayor and I’m related to someone on city council. (not that that helped me in any shape or form) In the city, I know no one. My neighborhood will be mixed, very mixed and I am okay with that. And when I say mixed I mean; owners,renters, races, religion, and I really have no idea what else.
I don’t know what gets stolen, at our old house my car was broken into twice while parked in our driveway, and a few garden rocks were stolen….really…who steals a small boulders? (suburban thugs?)
We are very excited. This is the perfect new chapter considering all our existing commitments that keep us in this area. My daughter did a comparison of our new house and the one in the movie Gran Torino. Several similarities, just take a look.
My question; how do you live in a place that is so big there’s nothing connecting you to the area? No schools, our children are grown, no church, we don’t go to church. Well we are about to find out.
This opportunity also brings me full circle back to “unpacking the rat” because I now have the luxury of sorting as I move. I am not taking one item of clutter with me. How cool is that? I better do a good job, because I am planning on never never doing this de-cluttering thing again.
Living better with less, now and forever.
Lucky house #7. Cheers!
Tip: Be ready.
Inspiration:” For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
One-day one-thing: Appreciate the songs sung by the birds, their songs are gifts.
Today is one of my dog’s 9th birthday. Batman is nine. He is a gentle soul, a loyal buddy, and his is big fluffy and hug-able.
He has his faults, as we all do. He has a weakness for cats and not in a good way, but other than that no one could ask for a better dog. I have a photo of him when he was just a puppy with my entire family. Now I can tell how old we are were in the photo, because before I couldn’t quite peg it by sight alone. My children were 10,12, and 13 in that photo, it was taken during spring soccer season, right before my youngest turned 11.
The photo is somewhere in all my stuff that was shuffled out of our home while we dealt with the nastiness of the recession.
Our “situation”, it doesn’t change quickly because what some people don’t seem to realize is when all the work is done and you are out of the house the rebuilding starts and that takes time, a lot of time. On the contrary, nine years just flew by when I was living a normal life. Now time seem to seep away slowly as if I have a tiny leak in my soul.
I have stopped expecting anything good to ever happen, or even wishing or hoping. Too many tremendous let downs recently. I am making it through each day but I barely feel like I am here, but I know I am here because I can’t get away.
I am thinking about my escape, and I am thinking real hard, because what I am doing right now isn’t cutting it. It may be unconventional, but I am going to fix this so that I can stand the “situation” until we find a house.
Right now we are waiting to hear back on the 5th house that we have bid on. I quit looking at photos of the home, because I have really talked myself into liking this one. It ended up with multiples. Funny how that’s now happen twice with this same lister. Any time there are multiples, someone appears to get an inside tip as to what the amount needs to be offered to win – we never win. I personally think it’s like insider trading and it’s a huge scam.
In any case, one way or another, I am existing in this temporary situation. It’s temporary. It’s temporary. It’s not a healthy living environment for me or my animals. Temporary has now become too long.
I have left this environment two other times in my lifetime; once when I alone and single, and once with my entire family cutting a holiday visit short. Always because of the same reason.
Why in the world did I think that it would be any different this time?
Tip: Forgive people, but don’t forgive so much that you forget what you had to forgive, or it might just happen again.
Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.
- Hafiz of Persia
One-day one-thing: Learning what I already knew.