plans

It’s the moments that matter

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Last week we were driving to do normal errands.  It was the first real storm of the winter the roads looked something like the photo below.

1024px-Snowy_Highway_401

We were driving a little fast for my liking, but I have been called a back seat driver so I took this opportunity to just be quiet.  I notice a SUV was baring down on us but we could not pull over a lane because another car was in the way.  Any way I was getting nervous and I said something like ” it’s kind of slippery.”   As I said that I looked in the mirror and the SUV following us was in a total spin out.  He seemed to not hit anything but the next car, a sedan, also spun out and took a direct hit into the concrete medium.

No traffic continued forward for a while, we are not sure what happened, but what I do know is the we easily could have be in the sedan behind the SUV.  That very well could have been our accident, except for the moments that got us where we were.  A displacement of 20 seconds total.  So if you find yourself wasting or rushing a few seconds here or there, in the course of your lifetime it does matter.  You’ll never know how much it matters until its right in front of your face.

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Cheers!

Just like starting over

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Remember when you were young, and the future felt like some distant place that would never really happen.  You felt light, and easy, optimistic and somewhat care free and in love?

Well we have reached the future and even with all our burdens, and all my processing of issues, I feel like everything is new and possible again.

So I am dedicating the following to the love of my life, my handsome husband.

Our life together is so precious together
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let’s take a chance and fly away somewhere alone

It’s been too long since we took the time
No-one’s to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It’s like we both are falling in love again
It’ll be just like starting over, starting over

With our new fixer-upper home, we have a lot of work in front of us, but I see this and everything else, as a brand new start.  It is a wonderful adventure that we will take together every step of the way.  Who ever thought we would be here now?  It’s feakin’ awesome.

I love you Ray. xo

late 1986 - of coarse see the hair!

Take a listen to this…..”No one ca get in the way of what I am feeling…”

Sale time, yet again

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I am getting pretty good at organizing garage/house sales, and brother do I kill it with the signs.

I use Craig’s list and signs on major intersections.  That’s it.  I have a sale kit with a staple gun and signs and wire stands from old political signs.  All you have to do is take the political sign off the wire holder and turn it inside out and tape your awsome sale sign to the plastic.  So easy, and they go into the ground perfectly.

I never hold my sale if the weather is bad, and now because you can place ads for free at a moments notice that is easy to accomplish.

My signs are always florescent poster board, sometimes with added reflective wrapping paper.  It makes a difference having a great sign.  People always tell me they love the signs…lol.  Some of my best slogans are: ” Don’t MISS this SALE”  or “Something 4 Everyone Sale,”  “Best Sale Ever,” ” Turn Around Cool Items. ” Often my signs are a shapes, maybe a circle or the shape of a dresser if we have furniture.  Stars cut outs on top of the signs in a contrasting bright color also helps grab attention.   And note: If you tell someone not to “miss” something they just can’t resist.

But this sale I am going in for the kill!

Eat your heart out Storage Wars.

I am planning to have a table of “Name Your Own Price” items…..who can resist that??? Another sign will say,  ”  HAVE 2 HAVE sale” sign.   “Useless stuff Sale. ”  “TOO BIG wont FIT” Sale…. for my new house.  And a “too little SPACE Sale” sign…..”Help me I’m a Hoarder, Sale.”

I think you get the idea, I am not planning to have many more of these sales, so I am going to have fun. I am thinking I might sell sodas as well.  If it’s warm and the sun is out, I can make .75 cents a can. Plus it keeps people happy, they stay longer and might just buy something.

In our town, garage sales are the ultimate signal that summer is near.  Garage Sale-ing a ritual, every Thursday is always the first day of any sale.  People map out the sales they are going to hit and make a day of it.  I like to be open on Thursday and Saturday.  I cant stand Friday because it  is too slow and Sunday people are too cheap. We’ll see how it works out this time.

My real issue here is most the stuff I have is what I decided to keep.  Ouch.  Now I am going to have to measure each room and be realistic.  It’s going to be a challenge, especially since, this is it.  My last chance.  I am not moving all this stuff one more time, not going to do it.  Minimalism here I come.  That has been my goal all along, but talking and doing are two different things.

The tough cuts await……I have to empty the storage unit and a garage….ugh.

This was the first day of having a storage unit, it looks so naive.

And you know what’s in those three containers?  Pottery made by students and professors from Cleveland State.  More average pottery than anyone ever needs.  At the time,the pottery was the most important thing for me to pack up and protect, err to hoard.  I still love it.  Every item was made by someone learning about design and clay.   Sigh.

Tip: Price everything, people are shy and don’t want to ask.

Inspiration: “You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.” – Eric Hoffer

One-day one -thing: Remember the every decision is an action, and action is how you create change.

What do we really know???

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Recently, more than once, I have known things before I actually saw them in real life.

Pretty weird.  But it got me to thinking, just how did that happen.  Seriously who told my brain that I would find exactly what I thought I would find, before I found it.   How did I know?

The more abstract thing is this was a physical item, a book.  Not  feeling or an event, but an actual book.  Published in 2002, today I knew would be in the local Goodwill.  I wasn’t planning to go to Goodwill, but I felt something say “go there.”  I fought that inner voice.  That is until I remembered my post from the other day saying trust your instincts.

So I blew off my trip to the office supply store as previously planned and made my way to Goodwill.

I saw a top I donated last fall, just out now because it’s a springtime top.  I still didn’t like it.  Why on earth did I ever buy that thing?  Anyway, I looked around and practiced just being  there and concentrating on all the weird stuff I was seeing.  I listened to the music playing and minded my own space.

I thought that the “book” was there.  Mind you this was only a fleeting thought in my head.  I ignored it, didn’t even look for the book.  The thought raced across my mind once again. I ignored it again.  Finally I told myself to go look for the book……it wasn’t on the side where I thought it would be.  That was the end of that.

I turned the corner and there was a 2002 edition of the Guinness World Record book.  I could hardly believe it.  It was there.

You see, when my oldest son was young I started giving him Guinness World Record books every Christmas.  I  was encouraging him to read.  Anyway, when he was in grade school he took his brand spankin’ new 2002 Guinness World Record book  to school and some kid wrecked it.  Just like that.

I’d like to find a replacement for him and that’s why I have it on my mind.  But who knew my mind could tell me when it would be at Goodwill.

So weird.   But I am here to tell you I am open to this power if there is such a thing.

Cheers.

Tip: Try to stop thinking, sing instead.  I do this in my car, it feels good.

Inspiration:”In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few.” -Shunryu Suzuli

One-day one thing: Let go of one regret forever.

Personalized A.D.D.

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Nothing accomplished.  December has become another month to just make it through.  To handle all the crises that came our way and try to do it without total self destruction.  Look at me, it’s only the 2oth and I am already writing the month off.

I am in New York, and last night  hearing my son tell me he is never ever moving back to Ohio makes me wonder than why the heck am I staying here?  My daughter would like us to move some where near the east coast, so she could visit more easily when she wanted.   My youngest son just wants to have his own room again.  Heavy sigh. (he just informed me, So Cal.)

I don’t know how to handle a situation I can not control.  We are not in a position to move anywhere, except maybe locally.  Do you know how scarey it is to have to sell your house, and it doesn’t sell?  Fourteen months on the market, not one offer.  I never want to be there again.  I also am not hip on getting a house that requires a bunch of repairs, but we are limited by our budget.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t  know how other people do it.  How do they just start over? That’s one of our issues, we can’t start completely over, because we have commitments and constraints. We hold certain cards, and without picking up a pair of aces I think we are working with a measurable handicap.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t change, it’s just means we have to plan around everything.

For about a week, for maybe 5 days, we thought we had an answer. We believed we made a choice.  But now, I am no longer interested in that. Too far and too close at the same time…why bother?

Just got our yearly Christmas news letter from some relatives.  I mean seriously, I had to read it twice  to make sure my sour mood wasn’t clouding my judgement.  Nope, it wasn’t, still as pretentious as ever.  Most years I don’t even read it.

Why did I choose to read it today?  Because I am an idiot, who feels bad, and wanted to feel worse?  No.  I think I was honestly hoping for a twinkle light of inspiration. Not to be.

Have I mentioned how stressful the holidays are for me?  I swear, the biggest luxury for me would be to avoid the entire Thanksgiving to New Years Day season.

I want to move beyond my dissatisfaction,  but it’s inside me tightly holding hands with my lack of clarity.

I can’t tell myself what to do anymore.  I can read my own advice and that helps in certain areas, but not this “where to live topic, how to get there, is it the right choice” dilemma.  So so complicated.

I am flailing.  Holding myself together, with avoidance, denial, and distractions.  My own personal brand of ADD.   A mental cocktail of sorts.  I highly recommended it for anyone, in a messed up situation.

About to go out to dinner…..it’ will be great, I will  be in full ADD mode.   Cheers!

This is not my Beautiful House.

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Kiwi salsa! That’s all I can think about since the day I saw it.  Well, that is only half true.  When I see it, besides looking incredible,  it reminds me of what I have not done. I haven’t even made my green drink (ginger cucumber etc) yet.  The recipe sits on my home desk.  It’s not even in my “book” yet.  I am hoarding again, but now it’s recipes.

Look at this – isn’t it glorious?

click photo for recipe

Procrastination and excuses, I have a million.  But why?  Do you procrastinate?  Do you make excuses?  Why do we do this?

Somewhere in my head I think when we get our house, and have our few things, that’s when everything will come together.  I don’t think it’s uncommon to say “when this happens” then everything will be right.  But that is so not right. When this happens,”xyz” -then I’ll be able to do “abc.”  This is the motto of doom. And it’s how I have been thinking lately.

I am reading, “Does the Noise in my Head Bother You?”  And it doesn’t bother me.  Did you know his fashion style is inspired by Janis Joplin? I love read about other real people, people I find interesting.  People with spirit.  I don’t care that he is famous, and wealthy. His story so far isn’t about that.  His childhood was very different than mine. I don’t think he waited even once, for anything.

I am starting to believe when you are raised in pretentious (pretentious by Cleveland standards) suburbs, that you lack a certain sense of urgency.  Nothing changes much, people don’t move away or move in.  Life goes on and change is rare within the bubble.  Social expectations are basically written in stone at every level, and at every possible turn.  Gossip and keeping up with the Jones’s is the main stay diet.  I subscribe to neither ( never did gossip), which puts me in the category as inconsequential: weird,  odd-ball, and a target for gossip.

I have been told, by someone that, “People like you, you just don’t like them.”  What a load of crap. I’ve been told, “You expect too much out of people.”  So am I supposed to lower my expectations?  I expect nothing out of people who are mean, how much lower can I go?  I beleive it’s important to have some sort of gauge when deciding who you want in your life.  Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

I don’t follow the suburban handbook.  So obviously, I cause my own issues when I may disagree, or stand up publicly to what is wrong.  Oops.

Go, do whatever, here's your green light.

The kicker is by the time you realize what has happened you are “in” very deep. You may end up writing you thoughts on a blog just to keep convincing yourself, that everyone isn’t the same, and this isn’t better than that. And I do have every right to think what I like, and I know how to pick my friends.

I feel stifled. As if change isn’t possible for me here.  So I shut down.  Rationally I know this isn’t true, but mentally I feel the oppression.

I don’t know what would have happened to me if I never left.  I can’t imagine what I might believe right now. Unfortunately, what is truly haunting me now is what would have happened if I didn’t come back?

“My God what have I done? “

(ironic side-note David Byrne married a woman who was raised in my hometown)

Giving up?

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Wow, can it be happening? Is giving up the same as surrendering?

I wish I knew.  Because I am trying , really trying hard to figure this all out.

I don’t think it is, but it’s awfully close.

Look at the note under my photo to the right.  I adjusted our goals.  I left the old “goals” there so I don’t lose sight of them.  Am I changing because we can’t get the other, am I finally learning that there are some things that can’t be left behind.

We all have commitments.  And the commitments that we can not or do not want to give up are what holds us back.  You can have all the open mind you want but you have to be realistic. Yuck!   I hate being realistic.   It’s no fun.

On the flip side, once you look at the circumstances realistically, it may be easier to focus.   Which is another one of my weakest skills.  Focus.  Blah.

I don’t like the idea of giving up.  I don’t like not getting what I want, in others words, “failing.”  And I hate to feel limited.  No one like those things.  To top that off, once again, I find I am quickly re-learning lessons of compromise and patience. (more of my weaknesses)

Sure, I can change my perspective.  Easy peasy.  Change your mind change your world.  (I do believe in  this)  But to do this at the same time I am redefining our goals, well, it seems a bit disingenuous.

So am I giving up?  Maybe.  But not without getting something out of this.  I have a plan to do something new, to try something, it’s a small independent business not like our other business at all.  It would be mine and have absolutely nothing to do with servers and corporate events.

I think I can manage to make this all work together.  And that idea right now is what is rumbling inside my brain and holding me together.  Keep thinking. Cheers!

Tip: Realize that life is full of unpredictable events, attempt to be flexible.

Inspiration: ” Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” ~ Albert Einstein

One-day one thing: On strike until the children go back to school. :)